BlogOfParadox

Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.”

- Rainer Maria Rilke

I wrote this more than two months before it was “due,” but it required some editing after this weekend.

It’s been three years since we were married, and about six since we started dating, or whatever it was we thought we were doing.  I have a husband who is often quite introspective, and often distractedly hyper-focused, but loves hugely. I am so full-heartedly grateful to have this wonderful partner, who grows with me and respects the things that nourish me.  I am so glad to have this man who keeps my crazy at bay with all of his reason, sensibility and compassion. I am so darned lucky to have someone who can make me laugh embarrassingly loudly at semi-inappropriate times; because one day when I am ancient and do not care at all what people think, I will still be laughing. I am so lucky to have a partner who has wholeheartedly embraced the furry clan I brought into our marriage, and doubly lucky to have married someone willing to medicate such a fearsome, toothsome beast as old man Jack (The Anniversary Miracle!)

You’re an inspiring, brilliant, thoughtful and loving man, and you make me strive to be a better person.

Happy Anniversary, one day late.

We need equality. Kinda now.

I’m always stunned when something like this happens. I know I live in the deep south, and I know that I work with folks whose entire careers immerse them in the near- to distant-past. However, this is just crazy.

I got stopped my two people having an animated conversation, evidently engrossed in the subtleties of female honorifics. They were particularly confounded by the pronunciation of Ms. I offered my input (It’s a hardish z sound, like Mizz) and started to leave when one said something about me being a Mrs.

I said, “I actually don’t go by Mrs., I prefer Ms.”

“But you’re married! Only divorced women use Ms.”

I rambled awkwardly about how it most certainly was not a construct for divorcees, but it didn’t seem like any of it sunk in. I’m just so stunned and baffled by such a ridiculous and narrow statement.

For the record:

Many of us think of Ms. or Ms as a fairly recent invention of the women’s movement, but in fact the term was first suggested as a convenience to writers of business letters by such publications as the Bulletin of the American Business Writing Association (1951) and The Simplified Letter, issued by the National Office Management Association (1952). Ms. is now widely used in both professional and social contexts. As a courtesy title Ms. serves exactly the same function that Mr. does for men, and like it may be used with a last name alone or with a full name. Furthermore, Ms. is correct regardless of a woman’s marital status, thus relegating that information to the realm of private life, where many feel it belongs anyway. Some women prefer Miss or Mrs., however, and courtesy requires that their wishes be respected.